Author: Kristin Smith

Of course, the infamous Christmas Light Spotting with a forever family and kids in full bloom, would evoke a bitter sweet ending to what was seemingly a perfect night. What an oversight, as I gazed at the murky sky with the dimmest moonlight cast upon it, how could I not preempt an ending of disarray?

Well low and behold, tonight be the night that presents me with insight, enough to eradicate the slow leaky faucet which coincides with my ability to express and create these days. I’ll take a moment to blame pregnancy for the impending writers block!

I’m not sure how the conversation turned into a discovery on North Korea’s stance against South Korea, but when hubby gave me his insight as to his hometown seeking hope to redeem a relationship with North Korea I found myself questioning him. Maybe this conversation was founded on my opinions on hope and how I genuinely felt concern that due to my husbands beliefs that he would ruin not just the spirit of Christmas but the idea of hope and belief for these kids. How his upbringing and projected views would strip them of ever believing in something more, or even tainting their yearning for something more, and simply instilling in them his own preconceptions and beliefs which, unbeknownst to him, were sadly stripped of him prior to birth. Who knows? But tonight, with the ill presence of the moon, was not the night.

As my husband preached on Korea’s history and how South Korea was looking to redeem a relationship with North Korea, yes we know, I interjected asking why? I suppose my question portrayed some form of ignorance as maybe his patriotic views to his ancestors and country were being stripped of his decision to move to Australia, but this was not the case. I mean, one might ask, have I been led by the propaganda slandered over the media? Have I become the norm and fallen victim to believing all which is repeated via those contracted to regurgitate these crazed views and opinions? Quite possibly! But all I know is I felt compelled to defending something other than what my husband uttered when I questioned why he felt South Korea wanted to mend ties with North Korea. He casually replied it would be 100 yrs (so 2050) for a new generation to stand their ground and mend the feud that separates two entities that once were bound. Now you all might feel the need to cheer and also might be bemused for why I suddenly felt saddened, a lack of compassion for his view. Well this is why, when I questioned why would he hope or believe for the countries to reconcile considering North Korea was still abiding by a seemingly communist view and South Korea a democratic view, he replied, ” so that South Korea would redeem more power and not be overrun by America!” Yet again, some may cheer, and some may feel I may be bias to being pro America. Honestly I’m not patriotic to a country I’ve never lived in, but maybe it’s quite easy for me to be swayed by America as for all my years of existing on this planet we call earth, they have seemed to reign. Or maybe because I’ve been privileged, blessed, honoured or even lucky to live amongst societies which have been democratic or even simply because I’ve lived in multicultural countries my entire life, but I didn’t feel comforted by his answer. So of course, me being me, I challenged it! And of course hubby being hubby, it was met with resistance and dinner was swiftly ended. This is what I had to say, and maybe my opinion isn’t founded as I don’t derive from a suppressed generation, or maybe it seems my loyalties are easily swayed but this was my rebottle….

It seems many males have this desire to reign, to relish or harness control over others, it seems we must still conquer and defeat and sadly even through the generations of those that leave their country of origin, the everlasting lessons cemented in the foundation of that being can not be permeated! I said women do not harvest those sentiments, we do not seek to gain control, power or a need to be number one. We thrive on happiness, love and yes security but this is developed through happiness and love. I reiterated how our children are Australian born in a democratic society and in the 21st century, and it would be a true hindrance to manipulate their minds to build them to fight for countries who are still presiding in prehistoric times. Could we ask of our littlest son (not currently in utero) to defend the Korean empire due to someone’s ancient ideals? This child was born and raised in Australia and yes he must be educated in his roots, but to train him to believe he must defend a war that was never ignited by him? And who would he fight for being mixed race? Because he is male he must support his father’s supposedly dominant male views? Not over my dead body and even if that were the case I would ensure my son did not contribute to a war he did not commence. I fight so hard to teach my children to love, to respect others, to accept, to acknowledge and to support, but how can I if the dominant male in the household is a huge advocate and supporter of world leaders and Power redemption? Views need to change and if my hubby can not open his eyes I’m sure his sons will assist him. The future always presents opportunities for learning and insight and I hope my hubby is prepared for it.

If we are so consumed in control and who harnesses the most power through what is tangible, how can we promote love and caring for one another through the intangible? Those who are not awake must be woken. There is always an opening, if we remain open and accepting to new. As I reflect on tonight, I review my own scenarios and where I may need to relinquish past views on others who I feel constantly are battling with control and the status of power. I feel compelled to assist but ultimately I feel saddened by their inability to stand firm on their own beliefs in what is fair, what is just, and how we can progress as a society which is constantly evolving and continuously diminishing past racial restrictions and cultural barriers. There’s only one race…the human race!!

Where do I begin? I guess there is no designated starting point, there’s simply the acknowledgment to where we are today and perhaps the exchange and recollection as to how we reached this destination. 

My journey today, gosh even whilst typing this I feel so self indulged and absorbed, but truly I must reflect and analyse from my own experience or the likes of others experiences which have influenced me. So…back to today, I felt a shift in my attitude this morning, even though I woke to the same mundane routine of…to be frank, exhaustion. Every morning it’s the same thing, hubby feels valiant for his efforts in waking when the boys do, and yet as I lay in bed, no progress has transpired in the hour he has been up with them. I emerge from the room barking orders, get dressed, eat breakfast (of oats I’ve dashed in the microwave), as I hustle together lunch, fill water bottles, grab nappies, cot sheets, ask kids to brush teeth, change nappies all in order for 3 minis to miraculously depart the house. And before you ask, yes I am grateful for the lie in, it is very much appreciated.

Hubby willingly took the littlest two to daycare/kindy while I swiftly dropped the eldest to school and the alluring aroma of Maccas coffee beckoned me and I complied to its calling. I was full of beans this morning as I assisted my great friend with her business. After feeling productive for the morning I bought myself some self care supplies, hahahah just makeup and vitamins and ventured home for 10 minutes of meditation. Honestly, if you would have asked me to participate in a form of meditation (I’ve typed mediation twice that’s how foreign the idea is to me) prior to this year, I would have thought that’s for “hippy hippy free loves” but somehow, today presented the opportunity for me to try. The sun was shining on this winters day and I pulled a towel out onto the driveway, searched 10 minutes of meditation music on YouTube and away I went administering deep breaths into the belly. Now I’m not sure if it was the mini nap, absorption of vitamin d into my skin or the deep breathing but it was just what my soul needed, even though I was possibly in a caffeine high! I was highly productive at home and even though daycare contacted me to collect the 3rd (which clearly meant I had to take the middle as well) and I had to find cover for my class with less than an hours notice, I still felt so positive for the day. Exhaustion did kick in and when hubby arrived at 8:30pm I truly wanted to hibernate in a cocoon in bed but mustered more energy and here we are at 12:30am and I’m on here.

It’s amazing how quickly things shift. I knew I wasn’t feeling 100% and I am still unsure as to why I was stuck but now, now I feel replenished and it seems to have derived from no true point at all. It has however offered a lot of clarity which I’ll share over a few posts soon.

The resounding point, although it doesn’t seem I have provided one, is to take time out for yourself. Us mothers neglect ourselves and place ourselves last, we feel overworked and underpaid, unappreciated and sometimes unloved. I am however certain that I am in control of my emotions and my ability to rise and circumnavigate through situations. I am aware that I AM IMPORTANT and in order for me to be the super mum I have unintentionally portrayed, I must self maintain. So today, this is Day 1, and today I put me first so that my sons have a happy mum for as long as I am here.

L.I.F.E…some days it’s backwards and it’s an Episode in Functioning In Life, and some days we feel productive and ascertain Learning Involves Freely Evolving, or simply you may believe today Life Is F%cking Endless. Wherever you are on the life cycle wheel, know it’s temporary and change is imminent.

HAHAHA Change is imminent, no matter how much “change will come” reverberates in one’s head, it just never seems soon enough. Take for instance, when you are a famished baby, signalling a million gestures like an Air Traffic Controller, your assigned adults/humans you have been entrusted to should instinctively know that you are hungry before having to administer party tricks right? Change will come! 

Than let’s look at my eldest, he’s a preppy, yes I’m leaning on personal experience, and why not? It is my moment to shine after all isn’t it? You’re still reading! In any case, back to the preppy, he’s been incessantly nagging me for tuck shop, to which I advised if you are good for a week with listening at school and at home I will reward you with Tuck Shop….low and behold we are ending Term 2 and NO Tuck Shop to date! Aww, come on, I’m not a mean mom…I’m consistent!

Now, let’s look at high school and the girl that had a pretend family with the Grade 12/Year 5 students because they felt she was too little and needed nurturing…aww sweet! Yet again, I’m drawing on my own experience and that little rugrat they called jabbajaws was little ole me! All good avid readers, they took great care of me and even made sure I had a network of support when they departed the school. Now, this girl desperately wanted to meet puberty as hanging out in the bathroom stalls asking peers for pads/tampons knowing they would be of no use….well, was a time waster! But…change will come! Yes, it did, but at the time, not soon enough.

Learning to drive, waiting to enjoy your first alcoholic beverage, meet Mr or Mrs Right, officially becoming an adult, conceive your first child, all of these rights of passages are cycles in life and each cycle presents little intricate cycles. 

Soooo what’s my point? I truly don’t believe I have one, but as frustrating as “change will come” seems to radiate in our eardrums, it is indicatively true! What I can concur is patience is a virtue and staying positive aids in the achievement!

I know, I know you are wondering if the title is metaphorical or literal. Let’s just quickly nip this in the backside….ideally everything is or needs a glass and a half. To think positively, you need to see the glass not just half full but a glass and a half, and honestly after a long day….well you literally need a glass and a half!!

Now for the avid readers, not sure if there are actually any genuine readers out there or if I’m inevitably reading this in the future to entertain myself and my own warped delusions, but – let’s not digress – I am still not ready to divulge PART 1 to my life story…. not even after my glass and a half! Ooooo no the glass is not empty, I am just experiencing feelings of ambivalence due to the incessant requests to write a book…..the book I’m yet to write two words towards or summarise or create a synopsis for…can my avid readers not just take my word for it that I’ve had (like I’m sure many others have had) a rainbow life?? I’ve always loved skittles (missed it? “Skittles… taste the rainbow” all good google the ad for skittles taste the rainbow….maybe YouTube it for better results)!

Gosh I’m on a tangent tonight! Must have been that glass and a half! In any case, let’s talk about hubbies….funny cause now I have one I can totally get in…o wait it’s only been just over a week so is it still too fresh? Am I on trial or probation? Well, I know I shouldn’t, but I feel slightly entitled, mainly because we have lived together and have kids together prior to the legal paperwork being signed….and of course magical day lol!!

Now my dear, beloved friends, have decided their way to greet me is to ask “how’s married life?” Honestly, suppose I’m not sure as there has been absolutely no variance in our relationship. If anything it’s only cemented that we are stable. Outside of that he still does the same crap I wanted to grab his scrotum (yes I realise that’s the correct term for balls – but it’s o so fitting) and twist prior to us being married still to this day….12 days later! There’s still copious amounts of unnecessary shedding of hair on the bathroom floor (luckily it’s the men’s room). He still chews out loud where I want to copy and paste his mouth to the next suburb, to the timely moment where he conveniently does not understand English and has just hopped off the boat to enter Australia! This is just the top 3 I can reel off on hand after my glass and a half!

Will I continue to divulge? Well not tonight as my glass and a half has been processed and received it’s positive feedback “thank you….come again” Tonight I’ll enjoy the minimal hours of disruption, I’ll reminisce about the moments that could have been and I’ll wake up to the anticipated reality!

Reflections, recognition, rejuvenation, recreate, replenish, resolve, release, remove, reborn, relinquish and relish…all amazing words we could use to describe the New Year ahead! The New Year provides us with new goals, new views, new lessons, new ideas, new areas of growth and development. We do not need to envision someone new, but moreso, we need to continue creating! 

I agree, we do need resolutions, we need to resolve severed ties, old concepts, and release them in order to develop new paths. This doesn’t mean we won’t revisit, as we are constantly reminded of where we came from in order for us to be guided on the paths we were intended to travel. A future stems from a past, and our past may not define our present or future but it does however shape us. 

We must not feel remorse for the goals set forward in 2016 that we feel did not transpire, we must feel reassured that we have been given more time to continue developing those ideas as we are standing firm in 2017! 

So here’s to 2017….another 365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months to strive, to invest in our passions, to grow in ourselves, to learn and aspire and most importantly to release what seemingly holds us back….ourselves! Here’s to love and it’s ability to heal!